Twins....

Okay, as a pre-note, if I ever find out I'm having twins, I'll make a point to delete this post...but until that time- tiny little rant.

I AM NOT HAVING TWINS!  I do not see twins as a possible "blessing".  Eric and I are working hard enough to provide for  ONE baby, let alone two.  I think it is so interesting that people who don't have children, or those who don't have twins would think it would be SO AWESOME for me to have them.  Of course it's awesome for me to have them.... YOU WOULDN'T HAVE THEM!

I guess I'm being a little stupid but I am so sick of people making comments about twins.  Even when I say "no we're not, the Dr. checked" I hear stuff like "oh, they might be hiding".  Take the hint people... I DON'T WANT TWINS!  No one in mine and Eric's position would!  I'm not saying that if it happened I wouldn't be okay with it, but honestly I'd probably cry first.  And I wouldn't be happy at first.  Sorry if that makes me a bad person.

The only people that think twins would be awesome are people who aren't at a risk for having them (because they are too old, young, etc.) and the rest of us really wouldn't enjoy that little "blessing" at first.  Do people even realize the birth risks with twins?  Miscarriage risks, bed rest, longer maternity leave and recovery from birth, premature births, birth defects, etc.  Why would anyone want that for a first time mother?  When you say that to someone who is pregnant, you aren't making a "cute" comment- you might be really making a comment that bugs them.  Unless you are really close to the other person, you shouldn't say things like that.  And even if you are close...keep the twin thing to a minimum.  

When I first told my friend Tessa about my twin dream, she and I talked about it and I wasn't annoyed with her at all about the "twin" thing- because I brought it up to her and she didn't gush about how "awesome" that would be.  If I don't bring it up to you- then I don't want to talk or think about it.

There have been so many things going on lately, and my lazy self hasn't gotten around to writing anything.

After my last review at work, I have not been quite so adamant to write anything personal because I've been focusing my time on writing things for work.  However, right now I'm in the mood and aside from an act of God (or something else falling on my desk) I am going to finish this blog entry.

Last weekend (Jan 16th and 17th) we went home to visit our family and friends.  On Saturday I spent the day with my mom.  We went shopping!  It's been a while since we did something like that and I had a great time.  We looked at a few baby things but mostly just wondered the mall enjoying spending time together ;)

This past week at work was hectic and (of course) I've been exhausted.  One new development came on Thursday when I woke up and my favorite jeans no longer buttoned.  I had just worn them on Monday and then washed them.  Before they fit perfectly after the wash and I wore them all the time.  When I put them on on Thursday and they were so snug, I immediately weighed myself thinking that I must have overindulged...after all, I'm only...12 weeks.

But I had not gained anything at all- in fact I'd lost two pounds.  I find it hilarious that I couldn't lose weight at all when I wasn't pregnant and now I can't seem to keep it on.

I guess my jeans were tight because I've started showing.  Not showing like "everyone sees the baby bump" showing but showing enough that I can tell.

I checked several places on the internet and they said that some people "show" as early as 10 weeks.  I felt better after that :)

LoveBug,

Mommy loves laying in bed at night thinking about who you are.  I can't wait to meet you :)  I'm excited to see you grow.

Love you!

Mommy

Sleepy Monster!

The past few weeks the pregnancy exhaustion has really caught up with me.  I can't seem to get enough sleep.  I'm praying that since I'm at the end of my first trimester (only two more weeks to go!) that pretty soon this tiredness will fade for a few months.  I know that it will be back and worse than ever in my third trimester but I'm focusing on the "one day at a time" aspect of this right now.

I think Eric really realized just how tired I am when he got home at 8:00 last night and I was already in bed.  This morning he tried to wake me up by biting my ear (really?) and all I could do was just grunt at him and push him away.  It's weird for me because I've always, always, always been a morning person.  I'm someone who wakes up and is ready to jump out of bed and go.  Lately, not only can I not seem to get enough sleep, I also can't seem to get out of bed in the mornings.  

I suppose I should feel lucky, I don't have morning sickness (most of the time)- just loss of appetite, which to me is almost as bad.  I know that I need to eat but I really don't want to.  And then I'm tired.  More than just tired, I'm exhausted.  

Dear LoveBug,

Mommy is tired but she loves you!  Thank you for being such a wonderful little buggy in mommy's tummy.

Love you! 

Baby Daddy

Although I just posted about work stress, I just remembered something really sweet that I needed to post.

When I found out I was pregnant and asked Eric to go with me to the Dr.'s Appointments, he was reluctant.  I told him that he didn't have to go to all of them but the one's where I had an ultrasound and stuff like that would be good.  He agreed.

At our last appointment, we had our ultrasound and got to hear the heartbeat.  The Dr. explained that we would hear the heart beat at every appointment because they do that to make sure that everything is still fine with the baby.

Last night when we went to bed Eric laid his head on my stomach and told me to be quiet.  I wondered what he was doing and then realized that he was trying to hear the babies heartbeat.  I told him that it probably wouldn't work because the baby is buried in there pretty good but inside it warmed my heart because I realized that Eric is really excited.  Then he said that it didn't matter if he could hear the heartbeat he just wanted to be close so the baby could hear him.   He's not someone that expresses himself a lot but last night I realized that inside he is really excited about this.

Then he told me that he had talked to his boss and told him he needed to be off for Dr.'s appointments.  He told me he wanted to go so he could hear the heartbeat.  It made me so happy :)

Work stress

  Today hasn't been the greatest day.  Dealing with work drama has made me stressed and my head is killing me.

  I feel lucky to have a job in this economy.  I feel lucky that this job is doing something that I enjoy, and not standing behind a cash register getting yelled at all day.  However, on days like today and yesterday, I just want to leave early and go home.  The only problem with that is that I would like to walk into a clean home and because I'm so exhausted, clean home doesn't exist.  Only messy home.  It would be nice if Eric was off to help me pick up but he works every night until at least 6 and when he gets home neither of us feel like doing anything.

  I also had my 90 day review at work today (20 days late) and was denied a raise.  It bothered me.  I will be the first to admit that there have been a few weeks where I have just failed at my byline quota.  But there have also been a few weeks where I've written stuff that for one reason or another didn't get used.  I don't feel like I was "reviewed" by my performance quite as fairly as I could have been.  I feel like maybe they just looked at the past month instead of looking at the last three months as a whole.

  But maybe I'm just pouting because I've never really had a bad review.

  I know that this is a pregnancy journal but these things are stressing me out and making the side effects of being pregnant worse.  Like, I haven't had morning sickness at all but I've been sick all day and I really believe it is because of everything at work.

  That and getting denied that raise really puts a dent in our funds for this month and we need to put as big of a dent in bills as we can so that we are financially stable when the baby arrives.  There are so many things that we need and although it seems early, August will be here SO quickly.  

Lovebug,

  Mommy loves you.  I'm sorry that I've been so sick lately...I'll try to relax so that I can take better care of you.

9 weeks/ Jan. 8

Here is my picture for this month- 9 weeks along. I'm not showing to normal people but my doctor told me yesterday that the bump on my tummy could be me showing a little. He said that some women just show faster than others :)

Part of it is fluff, though.
I'm fluffy not fat ;)
My hooters sure are bigger, though.
I've been working really hard to "maintain" my weight until it's the right time to start gaining. I thought I was doing great staying the same but when the doctor weighed me I had lost 4 pounds! He said that was fine and normal, even if I don't have morning sickness :)

1st Ultrasound!

Today was my first "official" visit to the doctor. After a routine pap smear (it had been over a year) I got to have my first internal ultrasound. Eric waited in the waiting room until the ultrasound. I was so excited to see my love bug!


I've known that lovebug was there but to see the baby, see the heartbeat and watch lovee move was amazing.


The doctor started by checking to make sure that LoveBug was lone ranger (yep, thankfully!) and then he showed us the heartbeat. 182 beats per minute - perfect, according to the doctor. He took several pictures, and right before he quit he showed us that the baby was moving! It was so neat to watch our baby move right in front of our eyes.

Dear LoveBug,

Mommy loved meeting you today. You are so special! I'm already impatient to hold you in my arms. Keep growing, my little love.

Momma

Today I have a doctor appointment at 1:45.  I assumed they would tell me the results of the three-hour glucose test then, but this morning I got a phone call telling me that my test results were in and they were NORMAL!!! 

Yay!  I don't have gestational diabetes.  I'm really excited.  I'll post more later about the actual doctors appointment.

Lovee,

I'm doing everything I can to make sure that you are healthy and happy little lovebug.  Love you,

Momma

Dear Lovebug,

For the last three nights mommy has dreamed that there are two of you in there.  If there is only one of you please quit making mommy crazy by making her think subconsciously there are two of you.  

Love, Mommy

So, as you can see from the above letter, I have dreamed for the last three nights that I am having twins.  If this is true, I think I will cry.  I woke up last night in a panic and then remembered that a friend that knew my biological family told me that twins run in that family.  REALLY!?  

I don't mean to sound like I wouldn't be happy.  No matter how many babies are in there 1 or 2 or 3...whatever, I would be happy if they were healthy.  It would just change a lot of things.  A whole lot.

Eric and Cass plus 10???? No thank you.

New Years!

New Year's eve was different this year.  First, we didn't have the same group of friends to celebrate with and second neither Eric or I brought in the new year with a sip of champaign (although we haven't done that the last two years either, so it's really not different).

I obviously didn't drink (unless you count Pepsi, which I kind of do because it's the most caffeine I've had in a while) but had a great time anyway.  I've never been someone that needs to drink to enjoy myself :)

Eric and I went to a party in Greenville at a friends home.  It was the first time I've met this friends wife, Rachel and her friend, Jamie.  It was nice to get to talk to other women.  Since we moved here the only other girl friend I've made turned out to be not such a great friend.  I really miss female companionship.  Don't get me wrong, I love talking to L and J when I'm at work but they are working too so we aren't really "friends" just "work associates".  I guess.  I would like to be friends but I'm unsure of what lines there are in the workplace.

Anyway, despite there being a little bit of smoke that annoyed me, I had a great time hanging out and playing games and talking.  The food was good too.

Dear Love Bug,

Mommy loves you and wants you to know that although I may not be able to give you everything and anything that you want, I can give you health when you are born.  I'm working hard to do that for you Lovee.

Love you lots!

Momma