So, Thursday night/Friday morning was scary. I went to bed at around 10:30 on Thursday night and didn't feel well. I hadn't felt well all day but I just kept kind of ignoring it and chalking it up to being tired.

At midnight I woke up with stomach pains. They were similar to the pain I get when my gall bladder is acting up so I called my mom to let her know, but elected not to go to the hospital. I figured if it got worse I would go then but I didn't want to go if it was nothing.

I couldn't get comfortable in bed and the pain was making it difficult to watch T.V. or read so I got into the shower. Taking a shower always comforts me when I don't feel well and I was hoping the relaxing spray would serve the same purpose this time. However, the pain continued throughout my shower and when I got out I decided to call mom and ask her to take me to the E.R.

The ride to the hospital wasn't bad, I didn't have any pain until I stood up to get out of the car at the hospital. We went inside and I was immediatly registered for the hospital. They took me back and had me change, then took some blood and hooked me up to some monitors. As they were doing that the pain continued and was enough to actually take my breath away.

Finally, the nurse turned to me. She told me she was going to check to see if I was dilated because I was having contractions. I freaked out. I was only 24 weeks pregnant, contractions aren't good.

Turns out, I was dilated to a 1, which isn't to far but also isn't good this early. They hooked me up to an I.V. to stop the contractions and the dilating. The contractions never went away completely, but they became painless and the dilating stopped. Noah was never in any distress so I didn't bother trying to get ahold of Eric. I don't have his number, anyway and there was nothing he could do besides cause more stress. I definitely don't need that.

On a funny note, Noah gave them a run for their money when they were trying to monitor his heartbeat. He was super un-cooperative. They would put the little monitor on him trying to hear his heartbeat and he would turn over so they couldn't hear it. Or he would kick the monitor and that was all you could hear. At one point he kicked it so hard that it slid down my stomach a little bit.

I took it easy this weekend and I'm on medication to keep me from having serious contractions and dilating. It seems to be working, although I've had a few since Friday. I'm making sure to write them down and trying to get rest. I went back to work today, but I've decided that if the contractions start I'll go home. They didn't specifically say "bedrest" but they did say that I needed to try to rest as much as possible.

I couldn't decide if I wanted to blog this or not. I know that there are people who read this that I'm not really keen on knowing this and I don't want to have to deal with the backlash if they do. But it is something that happened to me and when Noah is bigger I want to have this so he can look at it and know everything that happened while I was pregnant with him.

Dear Noah,
I can't wait to meet you but I think you need more baking time, Lovebug. Mommy is doing her best to make sure you are happy and she wants to make sure that when you are born, it is the right time.
Love,
Momma

22 weeks

I said that I would be posting a new picture of myself and my baby bump soon...and here it finally is.
April 8, 2010. 22 weeks. Weight gain, none, yet. Okay, I'd gained a little but I'm just now back up to my pre pregnancy weight. Apparently, divorce can make you lose weight...even if you aren't trying.

A while...

It's been a while. I have a new picture to post but I am taking a little longer than normal to upload to my computer. I've become lazy :(

Throughout the last month, I've been really busy setting up a new home and life for me and little Noah. It's weird having to deal with all this right now and having to think about having Noah with me in a few months.

I would have never chosen for something like this to happen, but I'm dealing with it and excited to meet my little lovebug!

I have had to make a few decisions over the last week that were really hard. They involved Noah's delivery and how I want to handle that. It certainly isn't anything like what I had orignally planned...but I have to do what is best for me and Noah.

I had a Dr. appointment on Friday and she said she felt everything was okay developmentally. The only worry she had for me was depression. She thought the situation might cause some problems down the road with depression and wanted to take steps now to stop it.

I am depressed.

I thought I was handling everything well and I still think I am but I understand that depression doesn't mean I'm not handling things well, it just means that I need help dealing with my inner emotions as well.

The depression can have an adverse affect on Noah and I don't want that. When she mentioned that there is a small chance of that something clicked in my head. I cannot put myself in situations that make the depression worse. Talking to Eric as often as I was, and believing in him even when he has proved multiple times that I can't isn't good for Noah.

Allowing him to ruin special things like ultrasounds with his presence isn't good either. I don't want him around. He betrayed me so deeply with his actions and words.

From now on, my decisions are based on what I think is best for me and Noah. No one else, including Eric. If he cared he'd be here. That's how I feel.

Dear Noah,
Mommy loves you and is working hard to make sure you can grow up with a loving family who cares about you more than anything in the world.

Love,
Mommy